Learning to believe in myself: A journey to self-worth
By Karen Gerrans
People look at me and say, wow, she’s got it together, she’s confident, she knows exactly what she’s doing! The truth is, I don’t always have the answers, and I haven’t always known my worth. For a very long time (possibly 30+ years), I measured myself against impossible standards, usually mine, listened too closely to critical voices, mostly of others and believed that being ‘enough’ was something I had to earn.
If you’ve ever felt like that, I get it, I see you, I hear you. Maybe you’re still in that place, wondering what makes you valuable, or if you even matter. Let me tell you something I’ve learned the hard way, you do. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
Where It Started
For me, the struggle with self-worth started early. I was five, I was determined, and I wanted to learn. I internalised the idea that I had to prove my value, through achievements, being liked, or trying to be perfect. When I failed (and of course, I did), the shame would come flooding in. I’d think, “See? This is why I’m not good enough.” I still remember the teacher picking on me to spell the word ‘grateful’ when I was seven or eight. I got it wrong and decided to challenge myself to read the dictionary that week so that I would never get a spelling wrong again.
I didn’t know that self-worth isn't something you earn, and I was never taught. In the last ten years I’ve learnt, it’s something you own, whether you realise it or not.
What Helped Me Start Healing
Healing didn't happen overnight. But slowly, I began to unlearn the lies I had believed for so long. Here's what helped me:
Starting fresh and questioning the voice in my head
I started noticing the way that I talked to myself. I asked myself whether I would ever speak to a friend the way I spoke to myself? Of course not, so why would I speak to myself like this?
Changing that inner dialogue was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But also, one of the most important.
Letting go of perfection
Perfection was my armour. If I could just do everything right, maybe no one would see how insecure I felt. But perfection is a moving target, and exhausting. I started university at age 31 and I had to get a first, I had two young children and lived on energy drinks because I had to work through the night. For three years I survived on around four hours sleep. Did I get my First-class honours? Of course, was it worth it? Probably not. You see, I have to tell people I got that First because nobody actually cares! Eventually, I started giving myself permission to be human, flawed, messy, and still worthy.
Surrounding myself with people who see me
Sometimes, other people can help us remember who we are. Real friends, good mentors, or kind partners don’t love us for what we do, they love us for who we are. I started to trust those people. And slowly, I started believing them and me.
What I Know Now
I know now that self-worth doesn’t come from likes, degrees, wages, or how much you do for others.
It comes from within.
It’s in how you talk to yourself when you fail. It’s in the boundaries you set. It’s in choosing rest over guilt, topping up your jug and surrounding yourself with your people. It’s in the quiet belief that you are enough, without changing a single thing.
If You’re Still Searching…
If you’re still trying to believe in your worth, I just want to say this:
You are not broken. You are not behind. You are not less-than.
You are growing. You are learning. And you are already enough.
Even on the days you don’t feel it.
If you want to increase your self-worth and discover how to do it, you can book a free 15-minute telephone consultation call today.