Motivation
Motivation is a funny thing. Some days it’s right there, cheering us on like our number one cheerleader, catapulting us forward. Other days, it’s like wading through honey, we know what we want to do, but our mind and body just don’t seem to agree.
As a CBT therapist, I talk about motivation a lot, especially with children and young people who can feel stuck when the drive to do something disappears. But I’m also a parent, and right now it’s the summer holidays. The juggle is real: full-time work, supporting my clients, caring for my family, and keeping the house from turning into a snack-wrapper museum.
Even therapists aren’t immune to dips in motivation. The difference is, I know ways to work with it, to take small steps to bring it back, rather than waiting for it to magically make an entrance. Because the reality is, it likely never will!
Life gets busy
The last few months have been full on. Work has been busy, home life has been busier, and emotionally I’ve definitely been running on the lower end of the battery. I’ve noticed that when life feels like this, the first thing to slip is my motivation to do things for me. Exercise, healthy meals, that extra glass of water, they all get nudged to the back of the queue in favour of something much quicker and lower effort.
This is something I see with young people too. When friendships or school life start to feel heavy, the things that bring joy or energy are often the first to go. But it’s usually those very things that are what we need to help us start to feel better.
The wedding that got me moving
Next week, I’ll be watching one of my childhood friends get married, she’s been with her husband to be for 20+ years, and it has been a long time coming. It’s going to be a magical day and somehow, it’s been the nudge I needed to focus on my own self-care again.
I’ve started moving my body more, even if it’s just a brisk walk or a twenty-minute at home workout. I’m drinking more water, and my big bottle follows me everywhere. I’m also making space for the little rituals that make me feel grounded.
It reminded me that motivation often comes after we start taking action and not before. Sometimes we need a small spark, a deadline, an event, or just a decision for us to be able to break that cycle.
Motivation follows action
One of the common myths about motivation is that we have to “feel ready” before we start something. In CBT, we know that it usually works the other way round. Taking a small, manageable step first, no matter how tiny it feels is often what creates the momentum.
If you’re a young person struggling to start your homework, you might just get out your book and read one paragraph. If you’re an adult struggling to exercise, you might just put on your trainers and step outside. The act of beginning lets your brain know, "we’re doing this".
Parenting and self-care: A balancing act
As parents, especially during the school holidays, it’s easy to feel like everyone else’s needs come first. Between work commitments, playdates and “Muuum, can I have a snack?” on repeat, our own wellbeing can slide down the list. But the truth is, when we take care of ourselves, we’re better able to care for others.
Self-care doesn’t have to mean hours in the gym or over the top routines. It can simply be:
- Drinking that extra glass of water before bed.
- Listening to some music while you do the ironing.
- Saying yes to a 10-minute walk rather than scrolling on your phone.
- Letting yourself enjoy a quiet cup of coffee without multitasking.
Building motivation gently
Here are a few ways to help motivation grow when it feels like it’s run away
- Start small: Choose one thing that you can do today.
- Anchor to meaning: Link your action to something important to you, something which gives you a good sense of achievement, closeness to others or enjoyment (a celebration, a goal, a personal value or interest).
- Celebrate progress: Acknowledge even the tiniest steps forward.
- Lower the pressure: You don’t need to be perfect or do it all; you just need to begin.
The gentle nudge
Motivation doesn’t always surge through you like a breaking tide. More often, it sneaks in after we make the first move. Whether you’re a young person, a parent, or somewhere in between, this part of life is where we can practice being kind to ourselves by doing what we can, when we can, and remembering that even small efforts count.
Next week, I’ll be raising a glass to my friend as she begins a new chapter. But I’ll also be quietly celebrating my own small steps, the ones that remind me that motivation isn’t a magical feeling, it’s something that we grow, one gentle action at a time.
For children, young people, and parents, motivation can be tricky, especially when low mood or stress gets in the way. CBT can help by breaking things down into small, manageable steps and finding things that work for you. If you or your child are finding it hard to get started, you can arrange a free consultation call using the online booking form, so we can chat about how I can help.
